It seems when you become a grandmother, your every choice revolves around your kid- also, that’s for me, anyhow.
And when choosing what to use generally takes into account what my daughter will be up to that day.
Playtime at the garden? Does transfer sandals for shoes.
Bolognese for breakfast? Goodbye, light clothing.
Napisan has become my new BFF because, despite my best efforts, my clothes not come out clean of filthy handprints or nasty noses here.
As my child gets older, I’m sure I’ll be a little luckier about what I wear, but for one mother, it seems yet her teenage son has an impact on the clothing she wears.
“I’m facing a bit of a problem.”
Taking to a one mother who has been asked by her brother to essentially alter her wardrobe is in search of solutions.
“I’m facing a bit of a problem and could really use some advice”, she wrote.
Because he finds it embarrassing that his friends think I’m attractive, my teenage ( 12, going on 13 ), son has been urging me to stop wearing makeup and dress in a more frumpy “frupid” way.
“I want to respect his feelings, but at the same time, I don’t want to compromise my own sense of self,” she added.
She stated that she doesn’t believe in having a particular style of clothing, that I dress conservatively and put myself together every day. “I don’t wear something very bright or uncovering, but I do like to improve my features with beauty.”
She’s struggling to identify herself with her father’s demands after trying to have an “open and becoming conversation” with him and acknowledging that his thoughts are true.
Despite her best efforts, her son still wasn’t comfortable with his mum’s outfit choices.
He appears to be having trouble with the remarks my friends make about me, and he wants me to change so I don’t get in any trouble.
“It’s not my wrong”
The mother continued, “She and her son are at a crossroads,” and I’ve told him that it’s not my fault if his friends make inappropriate remarks and that he shouldn’t feel ashamed for it.
She added, “He’s finding it hard to dismiss their opinions and feels pressured to adhere to their anticipation.”
She ended the post by asking for advice from the forum, “How can I help my son understand that he shouldn’t be embarrassed by other people’s perceptions of me?” And how can I motivate him to have confidence in himself and not let other people’s feelings rule his mind?
The blog, which has close to 200 feedback since it was posted on Wednesday, offers suggestions extending from training in misogyny to navigating difficult conversations.
“Okay. So here’s the point. This isn’t about you. This is about him. One wrote,” This is a GOLDEN OPPORTUNITY for him to confront his companions and demand that they stop being di**heads.”
“This is the primary issue of being a teenager – finding yourself, your views, and your message. ” they added.
Another said, “Actually, if you take his guidance and start changing your look, it’s really gonna set the tone for him that ladies dress for the adult gaze.”
Then, according to them, “It’s the last thing you want your child to start telling his potential partner to stop wearing clothes and makeup because his friends are saying things.”
Another person said,” You gotta teach him that men and boys have no say in how women and girls dress.”
Missing the point
However, one commenter made it clear that “many people are framing this incorrectly and telling you to teach your son about a woman’s perspective. Your son is struggling with how to navigate his friends sexualizing his mother, and this needs to be addressed first. Although this is important to teach, this also needs to be addressed.
He will struggle to find room for empathy because he is extremely stressed out and will not learn.
“Primarily, he needs help with understanding his feelings and processing them. Your son might feel embarrassed, he might feel like he is guarding you, or he might be upset that his mother is being discussed in a way that makes him uncomfortable.”
“Find out his actual feelings and let him know it’s normal to feel uncomfortable, and he can leave any conversation, even with his friends”.
A teaching opportunity?
The mother can use this as an opportunity to discuss seeking professional assistance while facing a challenging situation with her son.
Giving him the tools he need to deal with his friends’ comments may help him recognize that his mother is at fault for his friends’ behavior rather than his own.